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Taking the “er” out of Mother……

April 12, 2012

I know taking the “er” out of mother would simply leave us as “moth”s.

But maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.

Moths don’t care what their hair looks like, when their children start reading, or what size anyone’s jeans are.

Gray doesn’t mean they are older. It just means, well, they are gray.

Moths don’t need earrings that match a purse that matches their eyes. They don’t have to clip coupons (although that might be fun to watch). Moths don’t have to potty train their little moths so that they won’t embarrass them at the playground.

Moths are just, in every moment, moths.

They spend most of their time searching for bright, shiny light that has all the promise of warmth. And there’s lots of room around those lights for everyone to squish in and warm themselves. Those moths shy away from dark, lonely places.

It’s when we add in the “er” that comparisons ensue. We become mothers and comparers.

She is prettier.

Oh look, she is skinnier.

Her house is bigger.

Oh dear, her child is faster.

And her son is reading earlier.

She might just be better than me. Eeeeks.

Wait just one minute…

She is fatter. And my child is taller. Whew.

I recently read this fabulouso article by April Perry on a website called the Power of Moms (what a wonderful use of “er“) that details how social media isn’t helping mothers one bit. We spend too much time online mourning over who we are not.

We see meals on Pinterest that we could never actually make, party themes that would require an entire film crew to pull off, and others who are supposedly doing it better.

Facebookers share with us trips that we could not/did not go on and college scholarships our children won’t get.

Twitter takes clever to a whole new level. There is tremendous stress in trying to figure out how to be witty or impart wisdom in 140 characters or fewer, especially when emoticons are frowned upon as a wasted use of space.

All the while, our little moths sit and wait for us to stop clicking on keyboards and return to being just who they want us to be. Their mothers.

And if you have evidence that moths actually eat their young at birth, please don’t confuse the beauty of this symbolism with science. I am not trying to be smarter, just less “er“. And that cute little moth made me smile. 😎

Just in case you didn’t get enough of my “er”ism here – I wrote this post a while back. A small warning – I was snarkier then. πŸ˜‰

4 Comments leave one →
  1. April 13, 2012 10:31 am

    I just read that article this week. I like your post on it! I think many moms do post these things to validate themselves, not necessarily to make others feel bad. Unfortunately, that can become a result. (The vacation ones do especially get to me!) Oh well. If I get too discouraged, I just block those FB posts and actually, I’m one of the few not on Pinterest! Thanks for your reminder.

    • April 13, 2012 10:42 am

      Hi and Welcome – I agree most people aren’t intentionally trying to make others feel bad but when it becomes a pattern it looks like showing off. 😎 Of course, if we are all secure in ourselves than it doesn’t matter what other people are doing, right? That should be the ultimate goal – to be able to be happy for other without feeling short-changed ourselves.

  2. April 12, 2012 6:51 pm

    Thanks for the good reminder. It made me think of Roosevelt’s quote,”comparison is the thief of joy.” Some days I think this ought to be tattooed on our hands and hearts so we can remember that we are all simply and absolutely who we are – no comparisons necessary. (And it goes both ways – I suspect the “topper” moms whose children and husbands and houses and everyhting are “better” are just as miserable as those they make feel inferior.

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