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I think I’ll take a pass………

January 19, 2009

I received this email – and I am going to have to pass. But just in case you would like to help Mr. Ansu out I am publishing it for you. You might want to delete my answers to his letter before you send him a reply.

To: Me
From: Mr. Patrick Ansu.
Standard Chartered Bank (GH) Ltd.

Dear Friend,

I don’t recall ever meeting you kind sir. Not even on Facebook – so please kindly refrain from calling me friend. In fact, feel free to use my name. Hmmmm. You don’t actually know my name. I see. Then how did you, kind sir, kindly get my email address?

My name is Mr. Patrick Ansu, I am the regional manager  of Standard chartered Bank of Ghana Kumasi branch in the Ashanti region of  Ghana.

I am not entirely sure I care what your name is or where you work. It’s not that I don’t think it would be nice to meet you – I am sure you are very nice. It’s just that I happen to be a little distracted right now. And, I have just recently learned of India’s geographic location, you cannot possibly hope that I know where the bank of which you speak lives.

I got your contact when I was searching for an overseas partner to assist  me through banker’s seminar held recently.

Okay, thanks for clearing that up. I am surprisingly still not clear on this one – You got my contact how again?  I am pretty sure I was not a speaker-slash-attendee at that conference being mathematically challenged and all – so please remind me again how you got my contact.

I write you this proposal in good  faith, I am 45 years old married with three lovely kids.

I am so totally now convinced that you are completely honest. I’ll admit, at first, I was a little unsure. But yes, it was the three lovely kids that did it. If you had not insisted they were lovely, I might not have believed you. Nice touch.

I have packaged a financial transaction that will benefit you and I, as the  regional manager of the standard Chartered Bank it is my duty to send in a  financial report to my head office in the capital city Accra at the end of each  business year.

I don’t even know what any of that meant. However, I will tell you it’s “benefit you and me”. I know – details. Can you tell me if any of this is going to help me get my house packed and get us ready to go to India? If not, I really cannot be bothered right now.

On the course of the last two years 2007 business report, I discovered that  my branch in which I am the manager made three million two hundred and seventy  thousand united states dollars ($3,270,000.00) which my head office are not  aware of and will never be aware of. I have placed this funds in what we  call ESCROW CALL ACCOUNT with no beneficiary.

I think you meant “over” the course. And head office “is” not aware. And FYI, United States should be capitalized from now on. If you need an editor, I can help you there. And are you sure you are the manager? You mentioned it three times. So I am guessing you just might be the manager. Congratulations. And, yes, that is a lot of money. You should get your wife something really pretty.

As the branch manager of this  bank I cannot be directly connected to this money, so my aim of contacting you  is to assist me receive this money in your bank account and get 35% of the total  funds as commission.

Okay, so you are the manager. Thirty-five percent is indeed generous. You do realize that emails can be traced, right? I am just thinking that you are very clever, but you might not be fully aware of recent technological advances. It is (very) possible you could be connected to this transaction.

There are practically no risks involved, it will be  a bank-to-bank transfer,and all I need from you is to stand claim as the  original depositor of these funds who made the deposit with my branch so that my  head office can order the transfer to your designated bank account. If  you accept to work with me I will appreciate it very much.

Yeah, I really do not think any of that is going to happen. Even though you clearly have the authority to do this -being a manager and all. And, you have three lovely children. Your credentials are really approve reproach.

My private  phone number is +233242934237 call me if you think we can work together so that  we can go over the details.
Yeah, I am not feeling the love. So, don’t hold your breath, ‘kay.

Thank you  in advance and May God bless you and your family.

And may God Bless your family too – your wife and three lovely children. Hugs and Kisses – but sorry, no bank account info. Anybank, I have a question for you – do you look good in stripes? Do you like bread and water?

Yours  truly,
Mr.Patrick Ansu.

Not so truly yours. Me.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. January 20, 2009 8:04 pm

    Nancy – don’t forget to get your passport ready!

  2. Nancy permalink
    January 20, 2009 7:55 pm

    You are awesome. Love it!!! LOVE IT!

  3. January 19, 2009 10:30 pm

    Lola – no doubt – all of the sudden I have been getting these lovely emails to help someone get money. It really cracks me up.

  4. January 19, 2009 10:17 pm

    I do believe Patrick was phishing.

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