Don’t worry – if you are just reading this blog for the first time, there is no Part A. Just Part B. You didn’t miss a thing – I know, big heavy sigh of relief. Whew.
My children will do what I ask them (okay usually). I try really hard not to brag about my kids in this blog – because I know it’s annoying, but they are part of my every day, so you get to hear about them – a lot – I know, a lot. They are smart kids – at least smart enough to do chores. But, for some very unclear reason, they never take their chores to Part B.
Part A: Empty the trash.
Part B: Replace the trash bags.
Part A: Take the trash to the curb.
Part B: And the recycling (but only on Tuesdays).
Part B of Part B: after the trashmen empty the trash containers – take them back to the side of the house – and push them all the way up against the wall.
Part A: Empty the dishwasher – including the silverware.
Part B: Fill it up (with all those dirty dishes right beside you in the sink).
Part A: Help bring in the groceries.
Part B: No – not eat them – but help put them away.
Part A: Stop yelling, fighting, and screaming at your brother/sister. If you are frustrated ask me for help. I was on the debate team – I can intervene. Plus I have parent power that actually works. Okay, usually.
Part B: This does not mean standing at the furthest corner of the house from wherever I am and screaming for my help at the top of your lungs. This means walking calmly to wherever I am – unless I am on the phone or in the bathroom – then give me a minute – and ask me in person for help without yelling at me. I will understand you better if you talk slowly and calmly from within the same zip code.
Part A: Take these clean clothes (that I have turned right-side out, washed, dried, separated, hung, and folded) to your room.
Part B: Put them away. Neatly. Where they belong. Not in the corner of your closet.
Part A: Clean out the car – don’t worry, the driver’s area is clean – it’s the rest of it that is a disaster – you know, the places where you sit and eat and change clothes and have trash fights.
Part B: Dump the trash in the trash can, put the coats/shoes in the (appropriate closet), and put the rest of the c-r-a-p away in the appropriate c-r-a-p repository – and, yes, sometimes that is the trash can. Leaving it all on the floor right by the garage door does not a complete cleaning make – it just gives your aging mother one more place to trip and break her hip. And, trust, me that would take chores to a whole new level of annoying – you don’t want that to happen.
Part A: Start your homework.
Part B: Finish it. Yes, all of it.
Anyway, they may never learn the art of Part B – I guess that is what I am here for. At least they know this one…
Part A: I love you
Part B: That’s it – no strings attached. Always. No matter what. No. Part. B.