Carlos Mencia and my new BFF
Earlier this year, hubby got tickets for Carlos Mencia’s show at Constitution Hall – one of our absolute favorite comedians. Then, he got offered a job in India. Dummy. He missed the show. He should have negotiated that in his contract – yeah I know the job is a great one – but I have these tickets for November. Plane ticket back to the USA please. He thinks that might have been a deal breaker. He mumbled something about priorities and a paycheck. Whatever.
So, I went with my friends. Hey, I love him dearly, but I have my limits. There was no way I was going to miss it too. No reason for us both to suffer the injustices of employment.
Enter Jen, Pat, and Ann.
It’s Friday night – we are ready to go – we hop in the car and wow, it looked like everyone in Northern Virginia pretty much had the same idea – go into DC at the same time as us. Brilliant. It turns out there was some big summit in DC – lots of dignitaries – blah blah blah. Something about rolling road closures. Oh good. Translation. TRAFFIC and lots of it. It took us an hour and a half to get there. Don’t they know we have places to go and comedians to laugh at? But we are moms – we planned ahead and left really early. Whew. And, we got a great parking spot. Seinfeld would have been so proud. We had time for a quick dinner. Two policemen sat near our table so we had to behave ourselves. Dang. Off to the show.
By way of history, these ladies (and their husbands) had come with us to see Ron White. Hubby had not been outsourced yet. We ordered those tickets too and didn’t get the best of seats. Let’s just say we did not feel like V-I-Ps but V-I-who’s? Can you say nosebleed – and forget Kleenex, they would not be strong enough – we’re talking emergency room-worthy nosebleeds – grab the beach towel. Augh. Our seats were horrible. So, on the way in, Ann says, “I brought my binoculars.” Smartass.
Okay, here’s a little secret – shhh – I temporarily misplaced the tickets. Yikes. No problem – they put replacements at will call. Thank you Ticketmaster – In we go. It’s all good.
However, because I did not have our tickets, I didn’t know where our seats were. I couldn’t defend their potential greatness. Anywho, we go in and turn right. Thank you God. Left would have been toward the back of the theater. To the right, there were only about 10 rows – we’re talking front of the theater – this is looking good. We were in about the 6th row back from the stage. Hubby’s status just got moved up to Number One Hubby. Ann wouldn’t need those binoculars. Ha and whew!
Two of us decided to hit the head before the show started. We saw Brad Williams and I took a picture with him. Delightful.
Then off we go to find the bathroom. There is a line for – you guessed it – Carlos Mencia himself. This puts me over the excitement edge. Holy crap – he is right there. In line we go. Then the very nice line monitor cuts off the line about 5 people ahead of us – I know, they have to start the show. I get it – but we are SO close. Think.
Okay, so I plead with the guy. My husband’s in India – he can’t be here, can we PLEASE stay in line. I am still not clear on what that really has to do with making hundreds of people wait for us to meet Carlos Mencia when they couldn’t – but he seemed to get it -very lucky us – and he actually let us stay in line – yahoo! Several people come up after us – also begging but also offering him money (sorry dude – I didn’t even think of that). He said no to them all. He felt bad about it – you could tell. So, I chimed in and I backed him up -“he has had to turn so many people away, really, he has a tough job,” I said to all of them. Hey, I do what I can. This would be the one time of the night that Number One Hubby would have been glad he was not there.
Deep breath. Now it’s our turn. Twenty-five dollars please. What? Dang, I begged to be here – Carlos is right there. We are the last ones in line. My quick-thinking friend paid the guy. We smiled with him and took a very fun picture. Then I told him I was going to put him on my blog. He nodded very politely – you can tell he has manners -but the look on his face said, “Oh yeah – listen up people, there’s another stay at home mom here with a blog and she is going to put little ole me on it – Aw shucks. Look lady, I am the comedian – and remember honey, you paid to see me – who’s laughing now?”
So, I tell him, “No really, I’ve only been blogging for one week and I have over 500 hits (thank you people).” He was walking away – but he actually stopped, turned around, and said, “that’s actually pretty good.” That’s what I’m talkin’ bout. Validation.
“I know,” I said. “Seriously,” I added. “And you are going to be on it.” You can be sure he is counting his blessings now. He’ll be paying me for a picture soon. Only I wouldn’t charge him $25 – he inspires me. I thought he felt the same about me – clearly, not so much.
Oh yeah, we still have to go to the bathroom. Quick. Talk about if you give a mouse a cookie – we got way off track. So we are laughing at our sassy selves and probably being quite annoying. Funny, after all, is in the laugh of the beholder. This woman in the bathroom is laughing at us, too. She clearly has a wonderful sense of humor. “No really, Carlos is going to be on my blog. Hey, do YOU want to be on my blog?” Sure, crazy lady.
We take a picture – she has a great smile and she seems like she’s a lot of fun. I mean, really, she thinks we’re funny – how could I not love her? I ask for her name – it’s Robbin (I like to give credit where credit is due – I asked “y” or “i”). “Two” b’s she said – after Baskin Robbins. Honestly, that is what she said. You are kidding me – that is hysterical. She said it was either that or Holly Hobby. You’re killing me. Apparently her mom loves ice cream. And, actually loves it enough to name her child after it. And, no, she did not charge me to be in a picture with her.
Back to our fabulous seats – thanks again Number One Hubby. And we laughed so hard our faces hurt. The show was amazing – and, nope, I won’t repeat any of the jokes. Buy a ticket.
We drove home laughing all the way. Ha Ha Ha. Thank you Carlos! You are a damn riot! Number One Hubby was right to be disappointed he could not be there.
I can only imagine the what the performers had to say after the show…
Carlos: “Okay, who was the most whacked out fan you ran into.”
DJ Goldenchyld: “It’s all good bro – if anyone came too close I blasted ‘em with my tunes. Too loud for them to get too close.”
Juan Villareal: “Fans? I didn’t go anywhere near those people, the place was crawling with cops. I can’t make bond with only $12.”
Brad Williams: “I had this 500-pound fat chick trying to flirt with me. She likes my yard duck impression.”
Carlos Mencia: “This crazy white woman was promisin’ to blog me. Woo hoo lucky me, lucky me – dee dee dee!”
And Robbin, God only knows what she told her friends – but she is sure to be famous soon. Hi Robbin – my new BFF.
If Carlos Mencia is coming to a town near you – treat yourself – get tickets and give yourself plenty of time to get there!